Remembering

Yesterday I spent the day at my parent's house. While hanging out in the kitchen, I noticed a little heart next to today's date in my dad's agenda. I know he usually writes birthdays and events in his agenda so he can remember them, but I couldnt think of anything happening on May 1st. So I asked him.

Me- "Dad, whats with the little heart next to May 1st?"
Dad- "I'm not telling you."
Me- "Why?"
Dad- "Because it's going to make you sad."
Me- "Sad? I really have no idea what you're talking about."
Dad- "May 1st is when you lost your first baby. I always put a little heart beside that day to remember my other little grandson."

I was floored. One, because it was so touching to me that he would remember this date every year in memory of his grandson (not that I doubted it). And two, because I totally forgot all about it. How could this happen? Is is because it was so traumatic that my mind decided to block this event out of my head? Is it the sleep deprivation that's making my mind a little more than forgetful these days? Or is it simply that I forgot?
Does this make me a bad mother? I hope not! I lay in bed last night trying to figure out how I could forget such a thing and I came up with nothing. I will not try to explain or make excuses for myself. I simply forgot.

Today I lit a candle. I lit a candle in memory of my first little boy who came into this world as quickly as he left it. I lit a candle for my little peanut who would have been 5 years old today. I lit a candle to remember my love, my heartache, and my tears. Today I lit a candle to remind me how lucky I am to have 2 healthy boys who I can kiss and hug. I lit a candle so I can send my kisses and my hugs to my little boy who's in heaven. Today I lit a candle....

I hope you're happy little peanut, wherever you may be. Until I can hold you in my arms again, 'til then, I'll hold you in my heart....Mommy loves you...


Ni
-xox-

Presenting Baby D!!! :)

Presenting Baby D

Born January 8, 2014

@ 11:56pm

Weighing 9lbs 15 oz

4 cms and life is good!

10 cms and life is still good!

Baby D is here and on mommy...life is GREAT!

My big beautiful boy!

What a chub!!

Ready to go home and meet his big brother!

Maybe a little hungy?

Ni -xox-

Pregnancy Bliss!

So it's been AWHILE! Whats been going on since the last post. Well a lot I would say. I guess we'll go down the baby subject. So Christmas of 2012 I miscarried. Started bleeding right before Christmas, went to the emergency, they did an ultrasound and everything was fine. Then at my first appointment at 9 weeks which was on January 2nd I believe, there was no more baby. Lets not dwell on this too much. It sucked big time! Moving on....

Fast forward to May 2013...i'm pregnant again (4th pregnancy...Yikes!)....but this time it ends happy!! My pregnancy went pretty well. Lots of nausea in the first trimester, lots of zits, yucky hair....naturally I thought it was a girl. But lo and behold, it was another boy. I had TONS of heartburn that even TUMS didn't work on. At 27 weeks I was put on non strict bed rest as my cervix started shortening. By 33 weeks I was removed from bed rest and then only gave birth past my due date. I was due on January 5th and the little guy came out on the 8th.

My labor was really different from last time. I woke up in the morning with a bit of a bloody show. Since I was already going to an appointment later that day, I decided to pop in earlier to get checked out in the birthing center. When I got there, they made me do an NST (non-stress test), which basically monitors contractions, fetal heartbeat and movement. Everything looked good. Baby was happy. No contractions. So they checked out what was happening down there and apparently I was already 4 centimeters. They decided to admit me. YAY! I was going to have this baby....finally! Once I was installed in a room, the monitor was showing that I was having contractions every 10 minutes. The funny part is that I didn't feel a thing. Awesome! My doctor happened to be on call that evening. I was so happy he would be there to deliver my baby again. So, the doctor came to check me and I was at 5 centimeters at this point. He said that he would get me an epidural and then have the resident come and break my water. Since I wasn't in any pain though, I opted out on the epidural first and had them break my water. BIG MISTAKE! LOL As soon as they broke my water (which was at around 4:30pm), the pressure was incredible and I had to get that epidural. Not to mention that my giant belly visibly shrank by half because of the enormous amount of fluids that came out of me. It was GROSS! haha Anyway, after getting the epidural (which caught really well this time), I took a little nap, maybe around an hour. At around 7:30pm the nurse came to check me and I was fully dialated!!! Yay! They decided to start me on a bit of oxitocin just to get my contractions closer together because at this point they were still coming far apart. At around 11:00pm I started to really feel pressure and the urge to push. The nurses got ready and called the doctor. I started pushing at around 11:30pm and by 11:56pm my BIG baby was born (with a little shoulder distortion, but nothing major). Baby D came out at a whopping 9lbs 15oz, and of course with a full head of hair! (I don't have bald babies!)

Here are some pictures documenting my bump!

16 weeks (At the Old Port)

21.5 weeks (On vacation in Wildwood)

27 weeks (apple picking)

28 weeks (at my best friend's wedding)

33 weeks

38 weeks

38.5 weeks (Christmas Eve)

40 weeks

So that's whats been going on on the baby front! I am now a mother of 2 beautiful boys who I love more than anything in this world. I will post some pictures of the new addition soon! :)

Ni
-xox-

My Pregnancy Journey. Watch that Belly grow!!

24 Weeks



27 Weeks




28 Weeks



30 Weeks



31 Weeks



35 Weeks



37 Weeks




38 Weeks




39 Weeks




40 Weeks



41 Weeks (in the parking lot of the Hospital....finally in labor!)

Ni-xox